Truth be told I do enjoy The Lord of the Rings, but am not a huge Tolkein aficionado compared to my husband or many of my friends who have read the books and watched the films multiple times. I read The Hobbit in junior high and The Fellowship of the Ring in high school and watched each of the movies when they originally opened in theaters. I thought they were beautiful but as they did not technically fall into the category of rom-com or regency era fiction, the stories weren't ones I turned to for comfort. However, when Hulu recently made the three films available in their extended forms, I realized I had never watched them in one day. And when I read about people eating corresponding meals for this all day affair, of puns and pies, of second breakfasts and elevenses, I knew what we had to do.
The true question was "If not now, Arwen?"
There and back again, but this time with soft pants.
As someone whose coping mechanism is making plans, crafting a menu was a beautiful, time consuming blessing. Drawing inspiration from UK writer Nate Crowley, the hashtag #ThereAndSnackAgain, and multiple articles and podcasts, highlighting important "food moments" and guessing what times would correspond to Hobbit meals, here's where we landed:
Fellowship of the Ring
First Breakfast, Second Breakfast and Elevenses
Recipes #1, 2 and 3:
Bilbo Baggins' Birthday Cake Pie
Merry and Pippin's Stolen Produce: Maple-Roasted Cardamom-Spiced Apples and Carrots
Weathertop Fry Up: Bacon, Tomato, Mushroom Frittatas
(Mirror of Galadriel sparkling water)
The Two Towers
Luncheon, Afternoon Tea and Dinner
Recipes #4, 5, 6 and 7:
Savory Lembas Bread
Orc's Blood and Snow cocktail
"Meat's Back on the Menu Boys" Pork Pie
Sam's Poh-tay-Tos (and parsnips)
(and a Cheese Plate for Gimli)
Return of the King
Supper and Dessert
Recipes #8 and 9
Denethor Chicken and Grape Salad
Eye of Sauron shot
(Swedish fish for Gollum
Isengard Charcuterie and Preserved Vegetables
Mt. Doom Strawberries and Cream)
Heartburn vs Individuals in their 30s
Choices of Libation: Like a hobbit, I am the size of a child but I have not escaped the perils aging, so we started off with coffee and tea and sparkling water for The Fellowship of the Ring. That said, hobbits love their ale so eventually we do get into some booze, starting at meal prep for The Two Towers. There is a fantastic craft brewery in Minneapolis called Dangerous Man, and for the occasion I picked up a crowler of their Pecan Brown Ale, because Tolkien is just so nutty, amiright? It was perfect paired with the saltiness of the dishes we were about to eat, slightly sweet, with a nice warm roasted malt. From there we moved onto our Blood and Snow cocktail* which is one of those dangerous drinks that you can accidentally finish in a few gulps because of its sweetness and because you get easily stressed out by violence. At last, it didn't feel right to end the day without some sort of ode to the scary giant marble of a bowling ball, also known as The Great Eye and I needed some energy, so why not make it a shot? Therefore, I present to you a bunch of crap I had in our bar, poured quickly into a tiny glass, "The Eye of Sauron."*
*recipes below
Choice of Music: Listen. I know Howard Shore did a great job, despite accidentally copying some of the Back to the Future score. But can we just focus on this classic from Leonard Nimoy for a moment?
You're very welcome. And. I'm sorry. Good luck getting that chorus out of your head.
For your food prep, I also recommend Annie Lennox's album Peace which doesn't have Into the West, the song she sang for the LOTR soundtrack, but is oddly appropriate for Frodo and Sam's journey.
You can certainly cook everything the day of your marathon, but I wanted to be as loungey and lazy as possible while watching, so I started on a few things early...
There was a study at the University of Leicester which calculated how many pieces of Lembas bread would have been required for the characters' survival. They concluded that they would have had to carry a total of 673 pieces for the whole party, factoring in each species' metabolism. I love that there was time and money dedicated to this. I am not being sarcastic. I love it. Carbs are very important.
Anyways, Lembas bread is supposed to be "rustic" i.e. "ugly." So. Authenticity is key. I wanted a kind of a savory shortbread situation and also to use up the rest of the parmesan cheese we had in our fridge.
I have the utmost respect for the hobbits who, after being cruelly denied their second breakfast, risked their lives for fried pork. As a Filipina I fully understand this action, though also was stressed by the consequences.
Bred by Saruman for the sole purpose of becoming soldiers, the Uruk Hai are equal parts man and Orc, and their hunger cannot always be controlled. Very much like me after an afternoon at Mariano's.
Sorry, Samwise. We didn't feel like stew today. So we boiled 'em, mashed 'em, fried 'em and put 'em on a plate after tossing in blue cheese, bacon and parsnips. No regrets.
A crude demonstration of a man gone mad, mercilessly turning from his son? One of the most effective A.S.M.R. videos of all time? Probably what I looked like stress eating during election week? Yes to all. But hey at least it culminated in a refreshing chicken and grape salad.
I do have to say, a bowl of strawberries and cream was the perfect way to end this epic feast and day. Not just because of all the heavy fare on our plates and screen but because Sam and Frodo's beautiful words that just hit me differently today:
"It'll be spring soon. And the orchards will be in blossom. And the birds will be nesting in the hazel thicket. And they'll be sowing the summer barley in the lower fields... and eating the first of the strawberries with cream. Do you remember the taste of strawberries?"
"No, Sam. I can't recall the taste of food... nor the sound of water... nor the touch of grass. I'm... naked in the dark, with nothing, no veil... between me... and the wheel of fire! I can see him... with my waking eyes!"
"Then let us be rid of it... once and for all! Come on, Mr. Frodo. I can't carry it for you... but I can carry you!"
Friends if you managed to read this whole blog entry, I thank you for sharing your time with me. I hope that our words and meals and music and ideas can carry each other this year and every year. I am grateful for your fellowship and the opportunity to share as much as I have the capacity to. Happy New Year to you. I think we're quite ready for another adventure.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
If you're in the market to support a local bakery or are lucky enough to have been gifted a gorgeous pie like we were this Christmas, I highly highly recommend perusing Justice of the Pies, established by Chicagoan Maya Camille Broussard. Truthfully I'm not a pecan pie person, but holy wow if this one didn't make me a convert. I mean. It had bourbon in it.
If you'd rather make one at home, consider Chad's family's recipe of Chocolate Pecan Pie.
1 cup light corn syrup
3 eggs
1/3 cup sugar
1/4 cup butter
1/2 tsp salt
1 6oz pack semi-sweet chocolate chips, melted
1 cup coarsely chopped pecans
1 9" unbaked pie shell
1/4 cup semi sweet chocolate chips
Heat oven to 375 degrees. In a large mixing bowl, combine cornsyrup, eggs, sugar, butter and salt; beat until blended. Gradually beat in melted chocolate; stir in pecans.
Pour into unbaked pie shell. Bake on lowest oven rack until filling is completely puffed across the top and
crusted over (55-60 mins). Let cool.
Pour 1/4 cup chocolate chips into a ziplock bag. Submerge bag in hot water until chips are melted. Drizzle melted chocolate over pie.
Refrigerate at least 4 hours.
Cardamom Spiced Carrots and Apples
stolen and adapted from vanillaandbean.com
14 oz Carrots cut to similar thickness*,
1 lb Apples your favorite variety, cut into thick wedges
1 1/2 Tbs Olive Oil
1 1/2 tsp Maple Syrup
1/4 tsp Cardamom ground
1/4 tsp Ginger ground
1/4 tsp Cinnamon ground
2 tsp Fresh Mixed Herbs finely chopped, like thyme and rosemary, or sage and parsley
Sea Salt to taste
1/4 Lemon juiced
Preheat oven to 425F and place rack in upper third of oven. Line two sheet pans with parchment paper.
Place walnuts in a pan and toast while the oven is preheating for about 15 minutes or until toasty and fragrant. Set aside to cool, then chop fine. Set aside.
Toss carrots and apples with olive oil and maple syrup. Sprinkle with spices. Toss again to evenly distribute the spices. Spread the carrots and apples in an even layer, on each prepared sheet pan making sure not to crowd the carrots and apples. Roast for 20 minutes, gently flip the carrots and apples 1/2 way through roasting.Test to see if the carrots and apples need more time by checking for fork tenderness. If more time is needed, give them another five or more minutes. Thicker carrots will need more time. Right out of the oven, sprinkle with lemon juice, toss with fresh herbs, toasted walnuts and season with sea salt.
Serve immediately or chill and serve later.
Mini Frittatas
stolen and adapted from thecomfortofcooking.com
2 eggs
4 egg whites or 3 additional whole eggs, if you prefer
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
3 slices bacon or 1/2 cup chopped pancetta
1/8 cup small diced green onion
1/4 cup small diced tomato seeds removed
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
In a medium bowl, beat together egg and egg whites/whole eggs. Add salt, pepper and garlic powder.
Coat 6 cups of a muffin tin with cooking spray and set aside.
In a frying pan set to medium high heat, cook bacon for 4 minutes per side. Place strips on a paper towel lined cutting board. Let bacon cool then chop into small pieces.
Divide chopped bacon, onion, tomato between the muffin tins. Top each muffin cup with the beaten eggs.
Bake for 15-20 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean.
Remove pan from oven. Let cool for about 5 minutes before running a small knife alongside each frittata to release it from the pan. Serve warm.
Enjoy!
Savory Lembas Bread
Stolen and adapted from Bon Appetit
1 3/4 cups all purpose flour
3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese (about 2 1/2 ounces)
1 teaspoon coarse kosher salt
1/2 small garlic clove, minced
pinch of cayenne pepper
pinch of oregano
pinch of thyme
pinch of black pepper
1 cup (2 sticks) chilled unsalted butter, cut into 1/2-inch cubes
Preheat oven to 350°F. Line baking sheet with parchment paper. Mix flour, 3/4 cup Parmesan cheese, salt, garlic, and herbs in processor. Add butter and, using on/off turns, process until dough begins to come together. Gather dough into ball. Divide dough in half. Roll each half into 12-inch log, and cut each log into 1-inch pieces. Roll each piece into ball. Arrange dough balls on prepared baking sheet, spacing about 1 1/2 inches apart. Press each ball into 2-inch squares. I made little x's on them for funsies. Sprinkle remaining 2 tablespoons Parmesan cheese over.
Bake until tops are dry and bottoms are golden brown, about 20 minutes. Transfer breads to rack and cool completely. DO AHEAD: Can be made 1 week ahead. Store squares in airtight container at room temperature, or freeze up to 1 month.
Chad's Ham and Cheese Pie
1/4 lb ham, cut into small cubes
1/4 lb provolone or swiss cheese, cut into similar cubes
1 egg
1 small onion, finely chopped
salt and pepper to taste
ground mustard to taste (we used a lot) or horseradish sauce
1 package crescent roles
1pre-made pie crust
1/2 cup broccolli flowerets
Preheat the oven to 450.
Beat an egg with a fork and add to bowl of cubed ham and cheese. Add onion and broccoli and season with salt, pepper and mustard or horseradish.
Open the crescent rolls. Cut the rolls into strips with a pizza cuter. Make a "lattice' weaving crust over pie. You can make long strips by moistening dough and pinching together.
Set pie on top of a sheet pan and put into oven for fifteen minutes at 450.
Set oven to 350 then bake for 15 more minutes or until the cheese is melted and crust is nice and brown. Cut into wedges to serve.
Boiled/Smashed/Fried Potatoes and Parsnips with bacon
Stolen and heavily adapted from spendwithpennies.com
3 or 4 Yukon gold potatoes
2 parsnips
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
1/2 cup heavy cream
1/2 stick butter
2 tablespoons chopped chives
6 strips bacon, fried and diced
1 cup blue cheese or cheddar shredded
Peel and cut the potatoes and parsnips into even sized pieces. Put them into a large pot, cover them with cold water, and add a large pinch of salt. Bring to a boil and simmer until the vegetables are fork tender, about 20 to 30 minutes. Meanwhile, in a small pot gently heat the cream and butter over low heat. When the vegetables are done drain them well. Put the vegetables back into the pot over medium heat. Gently stir them to remove any excess moisture; be careful not to burn them. While the potatoes and parsnips are still warm, press them through a potato ricer or food mill into a bowl. Add the warm cream a little at a time and beat with a wooden spoon until the potatoes are fluffy. Season with salt and pepper and chives.
Add to the bacon bits to mashed mixture and blend well with a spoon.
Wash and dry your frying pan, then melt 1 tbsp of butter or margarine in it over medium heat.
Scoop up about 1/4 of a cup of the potato mixture and form it into a ball. Place it in the hot pan, flattening it out until it’s about 1/2 – 3/4″ thick.
Fry for about 3 minutes on each side, until they are lightly golden brown.
Chicken and Grape Salad
fully stolen from wellplated.com
1/4 cup raw sliced almonds or raw walnut halves
2 cups 1/2-inch-diced cooked boneless skinless chicken breasts
1 1/2 cups seedless red grapes halved
3 medium stalks celery diced (scant 1 1/2 cups)
1 large green onion thinly sliced (about 3 tablespoons), or 2 small/medium green onions
2 tablespoons chopped fresh dill
1/4 cup tahini
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt plus additional to taste
1/2 teaspoon black pepper plus additional to taste
1/8 teaspoon garlic powder plus additional to taste
1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar
5 tablespoons hot water
Toast the nuts: Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Spread the nuts in a single layer on an ungreased baking sheet. Bake for 6 to 8 minutes (for almonds) or 8 to 10 minutes (for walnuts) until crisp, fragrant, and toasted. Set a timer and do not walk away from the oven during the last few minutes, as nuts can burn the moment you stop watching. If using almonds, transfer to a small bowl; if using walnuts, transfer to a cutting board, then let cool a few minutes and roughly chop.
Place the diced chicken, grapes, celery, green onions, dill, and toasted nuts in a large bowl.
In a small bowl, add tahini, salt, pepper, and garlic powder. Whisk to combine. Add the apple cider vinegar, then the hot water, and stir until smooth. Add additional hot water 1 tablespoon at a time, until you have a smooth, pourable sauce that seems like a thick dressing.
Pour the tahini mixture over the chicken mixture and toss to coat. Taste and add additional salt and pepper as desired. If time allows, refrigerate for 2 hours. Serve piled inside lettuce cups and enjoy!
(Orc) Blood and Snow
stolen and adapted from cooking to entertain
1 oz Bourbon
1 oz Sweet Vermouth
1 oz bitter orange liqueur
1 dash of ginger bitters
1 oz Blood Orange Juice
1 Egg White (if you only have big eggs then use half the white)
Add all ingredients to a cocktail shaker with 2-3 ice cubes and shake hard until the egg white foams up, or the ice cubes have melted. You don't have to add ice if you don't want to dilute it.
Pour into a cocktail or coupe glass. Garnish with a blood orange slice if you feel like it.
Eye of Sauron shot
equal parts: St. Germaine, Mezcal, Cranberry gin liqueur
Dash of ginger bitters
An orange slice with a cherry that's been soaked in bourbon
Put stuff in the shot glass. Yep.
