"Cake is the word which God has written on the brow of every man." - Victor Hugo

it is possible that the above quote was actually about hope, but he probably also said it about cake, once.

Dear the Three People Who Read this Blog (I know it used to be five, but I am pretty sure at least two of you are mad at me. I can feel it.),

Alas, after four years, one month and three days, I have returned to you. Of course there have been pastas sauced, soups ladled, and casseroles slightly burnt just the way God intended - I just didn't blog about them due to laziness and slow wi-fi...So why am I finally back at the ol' blogspot, mouth full of liqueur and head full of that 800-588-2300 Empiiire commercial jingle?  Call it a creative spark, call it nostalgia or call it a fun time in our lives the mayor pronounces "shelter in place."

Or as us self-proclaimed introverts call it, "Wednesday."

Recipe #1: Black Walnut Liqueur Pound Cake

Choice of Libation: Black Walnut Creme Liqueur (Round Barn Winery) on ice, with just a splash of cold brew.  In my experience, Michigan wine country has its ups (any sparkling wine from Mawby) and its downs (that one "tropical" pinot grigio the color of Windex). This liqueur not only boasts a really high ABV, but it is deliciously nutty and rich and not too sweet.  <-- That's what they called me in high school.

Choice of Music: Alabama rapper, singer, songwriter, poet Chika. She is friggin 23 years old and I can't stop watching her Tiny Desk Concert and listening to her album - it is fresh, hopeful and soulful.  The hero we need and deserve.

OK. Let's bake something, shall we?  Nothing like a booze cake to distract us from a pandemic or PTSD from that Tiger King documentary.

The main reason I wanted to make this was to use things we already had in the pantry.  Also I was not entirely sure how long the cream would last, so you know. For health reasons.  We had to use it. 

Why yes, that is a rice spoon I am using instead of a spatula because all of our actual baking tools are in Chicago where we aren't. Minneapolis of course made spatulas illegal in 1992. For obvious reasons. Not featured is the 2/3 measuring cup I had to use for all of the ingredients.  Good thing I was mostly sober. Math is not my strong suit.

WHAT COULD I POSSIBLY DO TO PASS THE TIME WHILE WAITING FOR THE GOODS TO BAKE?! Day drink while a five year old mutt judges me. Obvi.

Ugh yes, that is a pie plate and tiny loaf pan I am using instead of a bundt pan.  In my defense I don't really care what I eat out of.  Huzzah for low standards! I'll put it in my special skills section.

Okay, so it's not the prettiest.  But it is pretty delicious for just using things out of my pantry and incredibly wrong baking tools.  My name is Emjoy Gavino and I put alcohol in ugly baked goods.  For the people.

stolen and adapted from momfoodie.com

Ingredients

1 cup unsalted butter 2 sticks

1 cup sugar

1 tsp Kosher salt

3 eggs

1 cup cream liqueur 

2 1/4 cups flour

2 1/2 tsp baking powder

Instructions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees & grease and flour loaf or bundt pan*.

Cream butter, sugar and salt together.

Whisk the eggs, then add to bowl, pour in the Bailey's. Mix well.

Add the flour and baking powder (preferably mixed together first) a bit at a time. Make sure the batter is well beaten and silky smooth.

Pour batter into prepped pan.

The pie plate took about 35 minutes and the tiny loaf pan took about 45 minutes. I think a bundt pan would take about 40.

Aligot (or French Cheesy Potatoes (or How I Broke My Blender This Weekend))

Well well well.  It's my first entry of the new year and already winter in Chicago has come and gone and come back but this time with  more snow and more wind and Oprah's new commercials proclaiming her love of bread.

I haven't been able to cook anything as I have been on touring with a show for Second City Theatricals, performing in glorious gourmet havens like Findlay, Ohio (of the Dietsch Brothers Ice Cream fame) and San Diego (land of fish tacos).  The best stop so far was getting to come home to Seattle to see my family and friends and to eat as much as per diem would allow me to.  And on my final night there, we discovered an incredible new gem: Seven Beef - a Seattle Steak Shop.  They source whole, grass-fed cows from Heritage meats in Washington and use "the entire beast" on the menu.  Because I had already run out of per diem skrilla (redundant? (correct spelling of "skrilla"?)), I ordered none of the beast.  Instead I ordered the aligot.  BEST. DECISION. EVER.

Look how happy we all are! Look how empty that bowl is!  That used to be aligot!

Our patient server explained that aligot is not actually made of alligator.  And that "comte cheese" which was the only description the menu offered did not mean the cheese came free, but was a French cheese matured to perfection in the silence and darkness of special caves and when it emerges it ripens into delicate and impeccable texture.  I am pretty sure this is how Oscar Isaac was also born.
This weekend, however, allowed me time with the husband and puppy and kitchen.  And I wanted to experience the cheesy potatoey goodness all over again.

                                                                         #1: Aligot

Libation: First thing's first!  It was a belated Valentine's Day celebration so we had to break out the bubbly.  In this case, very nice pricey bubbly that Chad inherited from an overstock of booze at work.  Thanks, Writers Theatre! Veuve Clicquot Brut, or as I call it "Voo vee voo beu?" It was dry but pleasantly so.  It would go with any fine dining or probably also nachos. I don't know from expensive champagne.

Music:  Low. Cut. Connie.  We were going to their concert this weekend and wanted to rock out to it before rocking out in person.  Old school piano driven rock while still feeling funky and new? YES PLEASE.  Buy their album, "Hi Honey" immediately.

Here's my favorite of theirs. Watch it as Adam "goes full Swayze" (<-- actual lyrics).

You didn't need to see picture of me chopping up potatoes and then boiling them, did you? Good because I didn't take any.  Here is much later in the process riiight before I killed the blender.  I couldn't find the food processor.  In future, use food processor. 

Okay, we didn't have special comte Oscar Isaac cheese, but this shredded blend of Parmesan, Asiago and Fontina was on sale.

Okay, I know it doesn't look like much, but I'm telling you, there is absolutely nothing wrong with cheesy buttery mashed potatoes.  The French know what's up. Serve immediately and often.

stolen from Annies-Eats.com

Aligot (French Mashed Potatoes)

2 lbs. Yukon gold potatoes (about 4-6)
1 tsp. salt
3 tbsp. unsalted butter
2 cloves garlic, minced or pressed
1-1½ cups whole milk
4 oz. mozzarella cheese, shredded
4 oz. Gruyere cheese, shredded
Ground black pepper


Peel, rinse, and chop the potatoes into ½-1 inch chunks.  Place the potatoes in a large saucepan or pot, and cover with water, salting lightly.  Bring to a boil over high heat.  Reduce the heat to a simmer over medium-low and cook until the potatoes are tender and easily break apart when poked with a fork, about 15-20 minutes.  Drain the potatoes and transfer to the bowl of a food processor.  Wipe out the pan for later use.

Add the butter, garlic, and salt to the potatoes in the food processor.  Pulse until the butter is melted and incorporated into the potatoes, about 10 brief pulses.  Add 1 cup of the milk through the feed tube and continue to process until the mixture is smooth and creamy, about 20 seconds, scraping down the sides of the bowl as needed.

Return the potato mixture to the now empty saucepan and set over medium heat.  Mix in the cheeses until completely melted and incorporated, stirring frequently.  The mixture will be thick and elastic.  If the mixture is too thick or difficult to stir, add the remaining ½ cup of milk a little bit at a time until the texture is loose and creamy.  Adjust seasonings as necessary with salt and pepper.  Serve immediately.

Adventures in Cauliflower

Friends.  When you invite a Jeff-Award/Iron Bartender winning Broadway actress to your home to guest star on your food blog, there is no need to be nervous.  Jeff Award/Iron Bartender winning Broadway actresses are just like you and me.  They put on their slacks one leg at a time, they enjoy a Mariano's oyster bar, they host drag queen dinner parties at their home.  Just like you and me.

Unlike me, Miss Caroline Neff happens to be a vegetarian, so she offered to teach me how to make one of her favorite dishes (which when I make again will probably pile tons and tons of pepperoni on. And sausage. And bacon?  And bacon.)


(Admit it...I'm begging to actually creep you out, right?  It's okay. I have begun to creep myself out.  Someone take this Paint program away from me.)

#24: Cauliflower Pizza
   

Choice of libation: My thinking was you can't just serve any old drink to a Jeff-Award/Iron Bartender winning Broadway actress.  You gotta get the special stuff. So I pranced across the way to Ye Olde Mariano's, waited until the bartender in the produce section was distracted, and reached into a secret cabinet to grab the stuff they only serve at the oyster bar.  Pavao Vinho Verde, folks.  Effervescent, citrusy and goes with everything. 

Choice of Music:  Chad insisted on DJing the event so he introduced us to an awesome band called The Struts. a British rock band led by singer Luke Spiller who can be compared to Freddie Mercury and a young Tim Curry. In the best way possible. Their album, "Everybody Wants" has awesome rock anthem after awesome rock anthem. 

                                              

Okay.  So on to the cooking, shall we?

So yeah.  Grate that cauliflower.  I'm a terrible phone photographer when I am tipsy.

You didn't need a picture of someone grating garlic, but you DID need a picture of adding a crap ton of cheese to grated cauliflower.  There's a full head of minced garlic in there, too.  Yeahhh....

Form that pizza  on a baking sheet.  When Caroline did it, she made a perfect circle.  I will settle for an odd rectangle.  Because that's what they called me in high school.

Top that pizza before throwing it into the oven. 

Andie wanted to help.  She really did. 

She helped us wait for the pizza to bake by washing our faces.  But then...

Oh how festive!  It was truly flavorful and I will definitely be making this again.  But, you know, probably with 4 kinds of meat.

For your consideration: A lady cop drama unlike any you've seen before.  Stacy Fields left her desk job to step out of her father's shadow to become a hard nosed cop. Unafraid to take chances, we she often goes undercover and pose as a decoy to nab the bad guys.  The tough-but-caring working mom, Jeni Lithium was a narcotics officer before joining the homicide division.  Just because she was stuck behind a desk, doesn't mean she can't take action and kick down doors.   

Together they're LITHIUM AND FIELDS. Next fall on NBC.

stolen from Caroline Neff's head

1 head cauliflower, grated (I'm sure there's a more specific measurement, but a small - medium head is usually what I use)

1 egg

1/4 cup mozzarella

Garlic garlic garlic!

Steam or microwave grated cauliflower until soft (not too soft less than 5 min in microwave). Allow it to cook and drain it as best as you can - I'll take a towel and just squeeze it to get as much moisture out as possible. Add garlic, salt, and pepper to taste, mozzarella, and egg. Mix together, and lay out on a greased (or Pam'd) baking sheet. Make it in to a pizza shape and bake at 375 for about 15-20 min (until edges begin to brown). Take out and top with whatever delicious ingredients you like, bake again until ingredients look ready. 

"When life gives you lemons, marinate your steak in them and fry it with soy sauce." - Filipinos

You guys. I had a bad day.  I was defeated by life. So I bought some red meat, and onions and fried me up some happy.  There are definitely health benefits to steak but I wasn't thinking about being healthy that day.  I was thinking about how I wanted to eat red meat until I collapsed into a food coma and forgot about when that man on the CTA stepped on my foot and then laughed at my outfit.  Sometimes red meat is what you need.

 Exactly, Gwynnie.  Exactly.

Wait, what?

Anyway.

#23 Bistec Tagalog (Beef Steak)

Choice of libation: Vodka.  Just...vodka.

Nope.  Just vodka.

Choice of music: Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings Give the People What They Want

"Stranger to My Happiness" is one of their best songs to date.  I am forever obsessed with her. And now, so will you be.

So yeah.  Um.  Cut up marinated steak.  Fry it up.

Caramelize the onions.

Eat all of it, immediately, knowing that your entire place will smell like this meal for the next 24 hours.  And that's okay.

And now that you have the strength of an army, you are no longer defeated by life. 

stolen and adapted from my Dad's kitchen

1 lb. beef sirloin, thinly sliced

¼ cup soy sauce

3 small lemons or  calamansi

½ tsp ground black pepper

3 cloves garlic, crushed

1 large sweet onion, sliced into rings

3 tbsp cooking oil

salt to taste

Marinate beef in soy sauce, lemon (or calamansi), and ground black pepper for at least 1 hour. I always marinate overnight.

Heat the cooking oil in a pan then stir fry the onion rings until the texture becomes soft. Set aside

In the same pan where the onions were fried, fry the marinated beef (without the marinade) until color turns brown. Set aside.

(I accidentally did the beef first and then the onions because...vodka?)

Put-in the garlic then saute for a few minutes

Pour the marinade and bring to a boil.

Put in the fried beef and simmer for about 20 minutes. Add water if you need to...

Add the stir-fried onions and some salt to taste.

Serve hot over rice.