Penne for Your Thoughts (except I used Farfalle, but whatever)

It looks and feels like spring finally! The sun! The flowers! The generic Benadryl!  Anyway, I've been craving slightly lighter fare these days and thought a lovely pasta salad would be a good way to usher myself into the new season...

Recipes  #18 and #19: Roasted Beet / Goat Cheese Pasta Salad and Sage Walnut Pesto

Choice of libation: Pellegrino with lemon.  I am not above day drinking, but if, at 11:00 am on a Monday, the lady at the convenience store looks at you with concern and says, "Oh.  Are you okay? You look very tired," it's probably a good idea to hold off.
Choice of music: India. Arie's Acoustic Soul - Special Edition. Did you know that there are like 37 versions of the songs "Video" and "Brown Skin"? Me neither.

Roasting beets can take a long time, so I did that first, while I prepped the pesto.  I read somewhere that when you wrap beets in foil, it's not really roasting, it's steaming the beets, so I drizzled them with olive oil and sea salt before putting them in the oven in a baking pan, hoping to bring out a deeper flavour.*

So the original recipe called for a spinach pesto, but the website also had an idea for a sage and walnut pesto, so I went for that instead. Because I was feeling contrary.

I like things that take less than 5 minutes to make: place first five ingredients in food processor, pulse, add next two ingredients, pulse, done.  

Spring colours*!

Ah, but I do enjoy the international food section at grocery stores.  Especially when they play what they consider "ethnic music" above you. Want pasta? Here is some quivery Italian guitar instrumentals to inspire you!

Remember those beets from before? After I roasted them with balsamic and olive oil and onions, I clumsily chopped and peeled them. Then my hands and white cutting board looked like I had just committed a terrible crime. Sorry, no picture.  What a wasted opportunity.  Dang it.

On the up side, I just found this new filter on my camera.  

 After mixing the beets, onions, sun-dried tomatoes and basil, it was time to dump the pesto in, mix and let it chill for an hour in the fridge. Which sucked because I wanted to eat the salad immediately. And I hadn't even mixed in the goat cheese!

Um.  I just now tasted this and proclaimed, "I AM AWESOME AND WILL EAT THIS EVERYDAY, FOREVER." Though I do have a tendency to exaggerate sometimes, you will want to try this.

*it has come to my attention that people (NAMELY MY HUSBAND) were concerned that I didn't know the proper American spelling of words like color and flavor because I've been adding the letter "u" to them.  Please know that I recognize how most people in the United States spell those words. I just like to be fancy.  Especially when I'm drunk.  Which is usually my condition when I'm writing this blog. As you were.  

stolen (and changed a bit) from...
littleleopardbook.com

WALNUT SAGE PESTO
1 cup fresh sage
1 cup fresh Italian parsley
4 cloves garlic (crushed)
½ tsp black pepper
1 cup walnuts
½ cup olive oil
1 lemon (juiced)
¼ cup water

Begin by adding the sage and parsley to a food processor.
Next, add the garlic, black pepper and walnuts.
Puree in the food processor for 15 seconds then add the lemon juice.
Turn the food processor back on and add the olive oil through the pour spout at the top.
Next, add the water while continuing to puree an additional 30-60 seconds or until all ingredients are combined.

ROASTED BEET AND GOAT CHEESE PASTA SALAD
3 medium beets (peeled and quartered)
1 tbsp Enzo Olive Oil
1 tbsp balsamic vinegar
½ red onion (diced)
1 cup uncooked pasta (I recommend macaroni, penne or small shells)
¼ cup sun dried tomatoes (chopped)
¼ cup fresh basil (chopped)
1 cup spinach pesto
¼ cup goat cheese (crumbled)

Preheat the oven to 450°.
Place the beets in a baking pan with the olive oil, sea salt and balsamic vinegar.
Add the diced red onion, then place in the oven for 45-60 minutes.
Remove from the oven, open the foil and allow the beets to cool 10-15 minutes.
Cook the pasta according to package directions.
Drain the cooked pasta, place in a large mixing bowl then add the sun dried tomatoes and basil. Chop the roasted beets, then add the beets and onions.
Add the spinach pesto.
Mix well then place in the refrigerator to chill for one hour.
Add the goat cheese before serving.

Bacon Jam?! I Hardly Know Her! (...I'm so tired)

I have two excuses why this blog post is late /  looks weird
1.  The camera on my phone broke so I now have to use the camera on Chad's phone, except I don't really know how to use the flash on it, so now everything just looks like it is in a Lifetime Television for Women 90's romance movie.

2. I'm in sleep-deprived tech week and have been eating those Starbucks pretentious lunchables for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Oh you guys. Stop crying. I've missed you, too.

Recipe #17: Onion Bacon Marmalade

Choice of libation:  Dewar's White Label scotch - I figured while making a manly condiment, I figured I needed a manly drink.  Also, SPOILER ALERT, this came in handy later.

Choice of music:  Chad was watching The Challenge on MTV. I'm sorry. That is a terrible show. And coming from someone who watches Lifetime movies that is saying something.

Hm.  So the first batch of bacon didn't go over so well.  I took one for the team and ate the really burned ones, but I wasn't really off to a great start.

Ah yes, that's better. Look at that beautiful color. And now the whole place smells like bacon.  Which is usually the goal. 

So I didn't read the recipe very carefully (remember? tech week?) and didn't realize it said "apple cider." I thought it needed "apple cider vinegar." After dumping the first cup in, I realized my mistake and ladled out as much of the liquid as I could.  While we didn't have apple cider, we did have scotch.  So.

While waiting for the onions to soften, I used the cutting board as a cover and chopped the bacon into tiny pieces.  I may not be able to read a recipe correctly, but I am at least efficient.

At this point, the kitchen is smelling amazing -- bacon still permeates but now the sweet onion and whiskey smells may be forever in our walls.  I am not mad at it.

You may be wondering why all of a sudden it looks like this wasn't taken from a camera phone.  That is because Chad left the house before I could take a picture of the end result so this a picture of what the onion bacon marmalade is SUPPOSED to look like. It did actually look like this. I promise.  

What does one do with onion bacon marmalade?  Good question!  I topped my macaroni and cheese with it.  That was pretty good, but in which case I should have added extra bacon, for a crunchier texture.

What ended up being a very good idea was making a meatloaf and folding a cup of the marmalade into the the ground meat along with herbs, goat cheese, tomato paste and bread crumbs. And then adding another layer of marmalade on top of the meat loaf as a sort of glaze. Because.  Yum.

stolen from

patiodaddybbq.com

4 lbs Yellow onions, halved and sliced to 1/4" (I used sweet onions)

4 slices Thick bacon (personally, I would have gone with at least 6 or 8 slices)

2 cups Apple cider (though as mentioned before, I used scotch and if I did this recipe again, I would probably want to use whiskey again, except next time, maybe a nice bourbon)

1/4 cup Sherry vinegar (white wine vinegar is fine)

1/4 cup Brown sugar

10 sprigs Thyme, stripped from the stem (about 2 Tbsp)

1 Tbsp Kosher salt

2 tsp Black pepper

Heat a Dutch oven or large heavy sauce pan over medium-high heat.

Cook the bacon until it's just crisp, then remove the slices and set aside, leaving all of the rendered fat in the pan.

Add the onions and salt to the pan, reduce the heat to medium, cover, and cook until the onions soften (about 15 minutes).

Chop the bacon fine and add it and the remaining ingredients to the pan. Cook uncovered until the liquid is reduced to almost nothing, stirring occasionally (about an hour).

Reduce the heat to low and continue cooking until the onions are a rich medium brown color, stirring frequently (about 10 minutes). If it starts looking too dry, add water 1/4 cup at a time.

Remove from the heat, set aside, and let cool.

(Makes about four cups)

Your Zucchini is in my Chocolate! NO! Your Chocolate is in my Zucchini!

So, I got a good one for ya: I was baking zucchini bread the other day...and BOY, ARE MY ARMS TIRED! Hahaha...I know.  I think I'm missing a part of the set up somewhere.  But I was told by a very smart little boy that if you exclaim the word "JOKES!" while displaying jazz hands after anything you say, it's funny.  So.  I was baking zucchini bread the other day...and BOY, ARE MY ARMS TIRED! JOKES! ...No, it doesn't work, still. I even did the jazz hands.  Nevermind.

Recipe # 16: Chocolate Zucchini Loaf and Muffins

Choice of libation: Just tea.  With rum in it.

Choice of music: That's a Plenty by The Pointer Sisters. It was an album they released in the mid 70's that had a lot of blues and jazz covers. I don't care if I'm the only one in the world who likes the 8:30 minute song, "Love In Them There Hills." It is groove-tastic.

This is to prove to you that these muffins/loaves are indeed very healthy.  Look at the ingredients I start with!

I even ended up with 2 and a half cups of shredded zucchini instead of just 2!

IT IS BASICALLY A SALAD!

I mean, don't you put a cup and a half of sugar and chocolate into your salad?

...and rum, when you can't find vanilla extract?

(let's face it - I will never buy vanilla extract)

Oh yeah, so this is why my arms are tired -- you're supposed to use a mixer but we don't have one, so I had to hand mix everything.  AND BOY ARE MY ARMS SORE! JOKES!

Chocolate has antioxidants.  What?

Funny story -- I don't have a full sized loaf pan, I have one muffin tin and a teensy loaf pan.

Look at how teensy the loaf pan is in comparison to the rum? Oh, crap. I'm almost out of rum.

It looks like real baked items! Hooray! And I only burned one part of my hand when putting them in the oven! 

I wanted to make it look like I was feeding you, but now that I look at this picture it just kind of looks like I have a weird hand cramp and it's about to fall out of my hand.  And the "feeding you" idea is probably a little creepy.  

But I will say, this turned out pretty well. I brought it to rehearsal to share with my cast members. I pointed out that the muffins not only had whole wheat flour, but 2 and a half cups of zucchini and really healthy antioxidantsy chocolate. 

So.  I pretty much saved everyone's life. 

Stolen from Alida's Kitchen

2 1/2 cups whole wheat pastry flour (or all-purpose flour)

1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/4 teaspoon baking powder

1/4 teaspoon salt

1 1/2 cups granulated sugar

1 cup canola oil

3 eggs

1 tablespoon vanilla extract

2 cups shredded zucchini, squeezed dry

1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

instructions

Preheat oven to 350* F.

In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, cocoa, baking soda, baking powder, and salt.

In a large bowl, on medium speed, beat sugar, oil, eggs and vanilla until combined.

Reduce the mixer speed to low and gradually add flour mixture to wet ingredients, until blended. Stir zucchini and chocolate chips.

Pour batter into prepared pan(s). Bake for 50 to 60 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Let cool in pan for 10 minutes, and then remove to a wire rack to cool completely.

When You Have a Food Blog But Just Want to Order Aroy Thai

I thought to myself, "What recipe could possibly follow an apple pie with a cheddar crust?! It should be something innovative, something inspiring, something that really pushes the envelope..."And then I realized I just wanted to put a bunch of peanut sauce on something and eat it. I have those days sometimes. I know you do, too. Also, I was tired this week.  So I figured this was a good time to use the slow cooker.

Recipe #15: Crock-pot Chicken with Peanut Sauce

Choice of libation: A brut rose from the fabulous sparkling wine makers at L. Mawby in the Leelanau Peninsula in Michigan.  We've visited the vineyards twice so far, and every time, we leave a little tipsy and with a few bottles. This one is more on the sweeter side, but it pairs pretty well with spicy or salty foods.  I tasted a lot of nectarine.  It is a great bottle to bring to parties. Specifically so you can yell, "WHO WANTS SEX?!"

 

Oh.  Also, the wine is called "Sex."

Choice of music: The Historical Conquests of Josh Ritter.  It is one of his best, in my opinion.  It kind of also reminds me of Johnny Cash a little bit.  I'm so bummed I'm missing his concert in Chicago next week. You should go in my place! Click here.  

The peanut sauce is pretty straight forward.  I only used these items which I got at THE NEW MARIANO'S OUTSIDE MY HOUSE! Sorry.  I will stop geeking out about that.

...yummy? The recipe says, don't worry about the way it looks.  Even if it separates now, it will come together in the crock-pot.  So.

Dump stuff into the slow cooker.  I didn't show me cubing the chicken and sauteing the onions because I figured we're past all that now.

Again.  I decided not to worry about it.

Set the timer for three hours! This gives me enough time to study lines and think about going to the gym!

Okay, true story: I went to the gym. But every cardio machine was taken.  So. 

Anyway.

I added broccoli, green onions and red peppers into the mix, 30 minutes before it was done cooking.

And, voila! Serve on top of whole wheat noodles or brown rice or just a plate if you're one of those no-carb humans. Yeah, the dish isn't life changing, but I would make it again. And it did keep me from pressing #4 on my speed dial (Aroy Thai). 

 stolen from http://practical-stewardship.com/

1 onion, minced
1-2 T olive oil
1 lb. of free-range chicken if possible cubed (If you are making this vegan or vegetarian, substitute the chicken with a pound of your favorite stir fry vegetables)
2 carrots, chopped
VEGAN THAI PEANUT SAUCE
1/2 cup natural peanut butter
1/2 cup soy sauce or liquid amminos
1/2 cup water or broth-use vegetable broth for vegan
2-5 garlic cloves, minced
1 inch of fresh ginger, peeled & grated
1/4 t red pepper flakes, or to taste
ADDITIONAL VEGETABLES
2 cups broccoli, chopped
1 bell pepper, chopped
3 green onions, chopped
Instructions

Optional, sauté onions in 1-2 T olive oil until translucent.
In a medium mixing bowl combine the 6 peanut sauce ingredients, and stir until combined. Don't worry if the sauce has separated a bit. It will melt and come together in the crock-pot.
Place onion, cubed chicken (or vegetable substitute), and carrots in the crock-pot.
Coat the chicken mixture with the peanut sauce.
Cover, and cook on high for 3-4 hours, or on low for 5-6 hours, or until the chicken is thoroughly cooked.
In the last 20-30 minutes of cooking, add the additional vegetables. You can wait to add the green onion if desired and use it to garnish the dish when serving.
Serve with rice (I cook my rice in the crock-pot) or on a bed of your favorite 100% whole grain or gluten free noodles.

Easy as Pie is a Really Stupid Saying

When I asked my awesome friend, Todd, what he would like to make as a guest on my blog, without blinking he said, "apple pie with a cheddar cheese crust." He said it with such confidence that I completely forgot that I have never really made any sort of pastry from scratch and there might have been a reason for it.  But I was trying to shake off my veggie burger failure from the previous week, so I quickly agreed.  Also because I liked the idea of then having a pie to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner until it was all gone.  That was on my really weird bucket list.    

Recipe #14: Apple Pie with Cheddar Crust

Choice of libation:  Because I thought the flavours would go well with apple pie (and because I hadn't slept in two days) I drank a soy latte with caramel.  No, booze this time, because I was drunk on friendship. AND MURDER. No, jk, just friendship.  

Choice of music: We actually had the HBO series, Getting On, in the background.  I had never seen it before and Todd has amazing taste in TV shows.  Though hilarious, it made me feel awkward.  I mean, even more so than usual.

PART ONE: The Cheddar Crust

The crust needs to be made ahead of time so I prepared it at my house.  Butter, cheddar and flour.  Pretty straight forward, right?

Because I was making enough for two pies, I think my underused food processor got a little overwhelmed...because...that's not good, right?

Here's something I forgot: Food processors have blades in them.  So when you're using your hands to scoop out the dough, don't forget that please.  

On the upside, how adorable is this "LOL" band-aid?

PART TWO: The Pie!

How adorable is this prep station that Todd set up in his lovely home?! 

The apples had to be peeled first, which meant Todd got to see how truly awful my knife skills were. I was partially distracted by how hilarious and heartbreaking Niecy Nash, Alex Borstein and Laurie Metcalf were being on the show. But really, I have a fear of sharp knives, especially since the food processor incident had happened a mere 48 hours before... 

Todd is seen here, coring apples like a pro.  Occasionally he'd look over at my station and say, "Emjoy, wait, what are you doing? That's not how you should hold that knife... No, no, your thumb should be...oh, well.  That's fine," chuckle and continue to do Martha Stewart proud. 

Mmm...look at all that sugar and cinnamon and lemon juice. This filling was good enough to eat even before putting it in a pie.  And don't think I didn't.  Because I totally did.

Todd rolling out the first ball of dough.  Can you tell he does Cross-Fit?  I figure people who bake for a living must be really cut, right? 

The perfectly rolled out dough becomes the bottom crust. I feel that is slang for something. 

Oh well.

This portion of pie-making was not sponsored by Starbucks.  

Look! I helped too!  Note that I am pinching the crust into a design.  It is especially impressive because sometime after this, my LOL band-aid refused to stick to itself and so I did the rest of the pie with one hand.  There was a part of the day where we ran around Todd's house trying to find tape or a stapler to the band-aid back together.  LOL. 

Brushing the top of the pie with the egg wash! IT'S GETTING REALLY REAL!

We had extra dough and apple filling so we made a rustic tart.  I couldn't wait to taste it.

Another fun thing that happened was me burning myself putting the pie in the oven while also trying to hold my band-aid together.  I WASN'T EVEN DRUNK, YOU GUYS.

The beautiful Sarah Welborn stopped by and though she is not eating sugar these days, she was there for us emotionally.  All in all, Todd is a rock star, Sarah is a vegan princess, and my left hand was both cut and burned in this process. But it was totally worth it.

You. Guys.  

Stolen from...

Martha Stewart Living

CHEDDAR CRUST

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for dusting

1 teaspoon sugar

1/2 teaspoon salt

14 tablespoons (1 3/4 sticks) cold unsalted butter, cut into small pieces

4 ounces white cheddar cheese, coarsely grated (about 1 1/2 cups)

1/2 cup ice water

STEP 1

Process flour, sugar, and salt in a food processor. Add butter; pulse until pea-size lumps appear. Pulse in cheese. With processor running, add ice water; process just until dough comes together.

STEP 2

Turn dough out; gather into a block. Wrap in plastic wrap. Refrigerate until cold, at least 30 minutes or up to 2 days.

PIE

Cheddar Crust

1 1/2 pounds (about 3) Granny Smith apples, peeled, cored, and cut into 1/4-inch-thick wedges

2 pounds (about 5) Cortland apples, peeled, cored, and cut into 1/4-inch thick wedges

1 cup sugar

1/2 cup all-purpose flour

2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice

3/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/8 teaspoon ground cloves

2 tablespoons unsalted butter, cut into small pieces

1 large egg, beaten

DIRECTIONS

STEP 1

Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Divide dough into two pieces. On a lightly floured work surface, roll out each to a 13-inch circle.

STEP 2

Fit one circle into a 10-inch pie plate; transfer plate to a baking sheet. Put other circle on another baking sheet. Refrigerate dough until cold, at least 30 minutes.

STEP 3

Stir together apples, sugar, flour, lemon juice, cinnamon, nutmeg, salt, and cloves. Spoon into bottom pie crust. Dot filling with butter. Cover with top crust. Fold edges over; crimp decoratively to seal. Cut a steam vent. Chill in freezer until firm, about 30 minutes.

STEP 4

Brush with egg. Bake pie 10 minutes. Reduce oven temperature to 350 degrees.bake until golden brown, about 45 minutes. Tent with foil; bake until juices are bubbling, about 45 minutes more. Let cool at least 1 1/2 hours before serving.